High Functioning Anxiety - wait , what??

High-functioning anxiety - Essentially silent anxiety hidden behind a smile.

So, as mentioned a few times already, I have anxiety – SURPRISE!! However, it’s not the stereotypical anxiety where the person gets too scared to leave the house. Quite the opposite actually. If you were to meet me in person, and to an extent get to know me through this blog you will realize that I am a go getter.
I have worked in management for years, set up my own clothing line, run a freelance photography business and I absolutely froth off exploring, adventuring and getting myself bang in the center of the action. On paper I am what most would call a successful business woman - HAHA!

See, I told you…#lifegoals.

However, behind this facade of confidence, 90% of the time I am internally freaking out. I mean that. My phone rings…I panic. The door bell goes, I panic. Opening my inbox in the morning, I panic. The worst for me is talking in front of people, especially groups larger than 2 humans -  I literally start to sweat, my heart rate goes through the roof and my breathing (when I can actually remember to breathe) is next to non-existent and so shallow you would think I was in a life or death situation. It’s not fun. I tell this to Leo most days as it’s not something I can really control either which makes it worse as anxious people are also control freaks.

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I feel the reason I am successful is a mixture of nervous energy, fear of failure, and fear of disappointing others. This effectively drives me to succeed in everything I set my mind to. Though sometimes I desperately need a day off work to get myself together, I am often too afraid to call in sick. If anyone of my work mates are reading this then they will agree. Nobody would ever believe something was wrong, because I always portray myself as being fine and maybe just slightly ‘on edge’.

                                                                      It is success…with a struggle.

Taken from a truly inspirational article on ‘Very well mind’ 5 of the most positive characteristics of having high functioning anxiety that I relate to the most are :

• Outgoing and active (act happy, tell jokes, smile, laugh)
• Punctual (arrive early for appointments)
• Proactive (plan ahead for all possibilities)
• Organized (make lists, keep calendars)
• Loyal in relationships

 
However, with any plus comes a negative and my monkey mind brings with it a whole bunch of negatives. The ones that I can relate to the most are:

• A people pleaser (fear of driving people away)
• Nervous habits – I bite my nails, and I can’t seem to stop ☹
• Overthinking – EVERYTHING! Do you think that fly I just swatted had a family?
• Lost time (arriving to appointments too early)
• Need for reassurance (asking for directions multiple times, checking on others frequently)
• Inability to say no and an overloaded schedule (fear of being a bad friend or letting people down) This is by far my most relatable as I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt if I say no…and this needs to stop.

Overall, it’s something that is with me everyday but it is also something that is 100% part of me and that's what I have learned to live with. I have good and bad days (primarily great days) and some days with more struggles than others. Overall – I am a positive person. I am a happy person and I will continue to portray that despite of the overwhelming nagging of my personal negative thoughts.

When you focus on the positives rather than the negatives and use these characteristics to your strength they will evolve into your own personal super power. 

I would love if anyone reading this has similar issues and would like to share how they deal with them? If so , please get in touch!